Some Baby Things That Are Awesome (Part I?)

First of all, I'm almost never a fan of people's blogs about their baby.  Not because I dislike those people, or even their baby, but because of the baby-language, and inherent "sweetness" of everything that is said, pictured, and described.  When mine comes in a few weeks, I might change all of this, but in the meantime, I don't really love it.

But blogger-moms, it's not your fault.  I blame the baby product industry, primarily.  If you dare, walk into a baby store.  Everything will be some form of pastel color, with soft-focus pictures of beautiful women who didn't gain an ounce of baby weight, cooing over their beautiful child, who's enjoying some toy or foam baby seat enormously.  The music is as soft-focus as the package photography, and it's easy to imagine a world where you take your baby home to a magical, soft-focus place where pleasant sounds and textures put baby and parent at ease.

Folks, that's called a spa, and it'll cost you $60/hour for that kind of ease.  I don't have a child yet, but I do have some baby stuff.  And some of it is pretty cool.  Allow me to plug a few items, without the soft-focus photos and peaceful baby-ness.

THIS RAINBOW GLOW WORM-ESQUE KNIT SACK THING

 This is tight.  One of Tori's relatives knit it, along with some matching sock/shoe things and a hat.  When Tori brought it home from her baby shower, she was kind of hesitant, not too excited about it, but she was missing the awesome-ness.  If you have friends or relatives who knit, get them to make this, it looks easy.  It's basically a bag to put your child in.  She'll be warm and snug, since it tapers at the end.  But most importantly, she'll look awesome doing it, and might love Alice in Wonderland a bit sooner in life.  I will proudly tote my child around in a glow worm sack.  Maybe with the hat on.  And sunglasses.  She's gonna be cooler than me already.

 How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go, little girl?

THIS FROG

This frog is a humidifier.  As an undergrad voice major, it was in vogue to wear a scarf when the temperature dropped below 80 degrees, and have a humidifier in your bedroom.  You know, to make up for the fact that you just screamed for 3 hours at a football game, or vomited half the morning after your big night.  I guess with all that screaming to do, it's important for babies to look after their vocal health, too, so humidifier it is.  This one was $2 at a yard sale, and looks way cooler than normal ones.  

 THIS BABY MONITOR

What's so cool about a baby monitor?  They have ones that do a video feed, how can this one be better?  Because this baby monitor doesn't look all pastel baby dreamland, it looks like it belongs to a Stormtrooper.  And since you can talk, not just listen, from the rechargeable units, when baby is older and turns into cool little kid, these baby monitors will turn into walkie-talkies.  Video feed THAT.

A great example of soft-light baby advert love.  Apparently if I use these monitors, my baby will love me better, tell jokes, and match my pajamas.

These are the monitors you're looking for.

 THIS MICROWAVE BOTTLE CLEANING THING

I don't like washing dishes.  This is tight, because I can rinse bottles out, and toss them in here.  Put it in the microwave for 2 minutes, and they are clean.  Otherwise, I could see my baby getting sick, and tracing it back to my half-assed bottle cleaning job the week before.  Disregard the smiley packaging.

 THIS SHARK BATH MITT

I don't use a bath mitt, personally.  But I also have pretty dextrous appendages, with good fine motor skills.  So I assume bath mitts are a normal part of washing your baby.  Makes sense - when the baby makes some awkward move and falls face-first in the water, you can save her without dropping your wash cloth.  But this one is better, because it's a shark, and therefore fun to play with, as well.  I like the teeth especially.  Until someone buys me the stuffed Jabberwock from my Amazon wish list, this wins the "best personality of a cloth baby item" award in our house.