On Bottles

I don't like milk.


My oldest memory of milk is from when I was 4 years old at day-care with my first friend, Kyle.  I hated milk and he hated applesauce, and one day those were the two offerings at snack time.  We each sat defiantly at our place after everyone left, refusing to submit ourselves to the torture in that little bathroom cup (only years later did it occur to me that we could have secretly switched our cups, and everyone would have gone away happy).  Later, when mom used to make me drink milk, I'd come up with an excuse to go to the bathroom, conveniently bring my glass, and pour it in the toilet (that slick move worked exactly three times).  Anyway, milk is gross.

No milk will ever be "our" milk.

I think it's really cool that Tori's body just manufactures nourishment for our baby, but I wish she could somehow make bread boogers, or peanut butter earwax, or something other than milk.  Up until yesterday, though, I was removed from that part of life, so it was fine.  Like cleaning out a cloth diaper, though, I knew it was in my future, and now, the day has come.  As a result of my experience last night and today, I offer you...


Feeding Babies Breast Milk from a Bottle: Tips for Beginners:

• Don't watch your lady pump the milk.  This is another example of a female body part you'll want fonder memories of.
• Since it's milk, you have to refrigerate it.  But babies usually drink it warm, so you need to warm it up...so far, so good.  But here's the kicker: apparently you CAN'T MICROWAVE IT.  No idea why, but it seems really important.
• My method right now is, microwave a coffee cup with water in it, then float the bottle in the hot water.  There must be a more efficient way.  I bet they make a bottle-warmer.
• Have some kind of rag at the ready, this gets messy, immediately.
• Bottles deliver the goods faster than boobs do, so I found it useful to only let her suck on it for a second or two, take it away til she swallowed, and then do it again.  Maybe it takes longer, but it seemed less likely that she'd erupt milk all over me.
• Don't get rid of that rag too quickly - more of that crap might come up after she's done eating, even if she burped.  And it's worse when it comes back up, trust me.

Overall, I didn't really love my experience.  BUT we were successful.  And today, the bottle allowed Tori to be away from the baby and fully-clothed for a whole four hours!  So the utility of my new ability is worth the discomfort, kind of how I feel about flying.

We're gearing up for next week, when she's planning to be away for the whole day.  You can bet there'll be something to write home about from that day.